Unabridged Elves
by Master Fifer
Summary: The BIG word series. Sequals to Dysmenorrhea and Kakapo!
1. Chapter 1

All right world, U win. Everyone has been telling me to start a story about BIG words so here it goes! I give U: The BIG word series!

P.S. They'll be one for Harry Potter under special request from my cool friend Ginger Paws 14.

Erestor snuck into his office. He went starfish-style against his door, not daring to breathe. Outside a voice was heard.

"Erestor! Come back! I'm winning! Paleobotanical! ERESTOR!"

Erestor was scared. He nearly went into hysterics when a head popped out from under his desk.

"Is- is IT gone?" Glorfindel asked nervously from under the desk.

"For now. For now…"

"Will we be safe for another night?"

"If we're very quiet."

"Do you think this is just a phase?"

"I don't know. I just wish it would end soon."

"I'm- I'm running out of words, and we've basically used all of the words in the dictionary. What- what if we run out of words! ERESTOR, THAT CAN'T HAPPEN! I'LL GO MAD IF WE DON'T THINK OF WORDS! BIG WORDS!"

"Glorfindel, get a hold of yourself!"

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

"Snap out of it, man!" Erestor slapped Glorfindel across the face.

"…. Thank you. I needed that. I- I just don't know what to do."

"These are hard times, my friend. You have every right to be a bit…. loopy."

"Should we contact Lord Elrond?"

"No, no use having him worry. We'll have to sort this out ourselves."

"How?"

Erestor adopted a sly smile.

"The unabridged dictionary of course."

More to come!

Still need reviews and BIG words to write long, funny chaps ppl! Please and thank U!


	2. The Disturbance of Dan

Hope U are enjoying Unabridged Elves. I really hope Glorfindel is kokay. If he goes crazy we're all virtually doomed.

Disclaimer: Crap! I forgot the disclaimer for the first chapter! Okay, I'll just say two. Don't own. And…. Don't own (at least last time I checked anyway…).

"Oh Daaaaaaan! DAAAAAAAAN! DAN WHERE ARE YOOOOOOOOOU?"

Dan looked up from his book. It couldn't be, could it? They had unleashed IT into the wild? How! Why! Did Glorfindel WANT people to go mad?

He quickly climbed higher into his tree until he couldn't see the ground. The sound of footsteps could be heard on the ground below the tree. Dan didn't even breathe.

"DAN! DAN, I GOT A GOOD ONE! SCIOMANCY!"

Dear Valar, did IT ever stop! Even to breath? Apparently not. The footsteps faded until he couldn't hear them, but he still remained up in his tree not daring to move a muscle for fear that IT would hear him and come back. It was a good 10 minutes before he dropped soundlessly to the ground. He immediately went into Mission Impossible mode, ducking, hiding behind bushes, Lurking, and Camouflage. When he reached the Last Homely House, he disappeared into his bedroom.

"Dan?"

"AHHH! PLEASE NO MORE! NO MORE!"

"Dan, it's Arwen, what's wrong?"

"Oh, thank Valar, Arwen. I was afraid you were… IT."

"IT? What's going on?"

"IT! You know!"

"No, I don't."

"Well, ever since we started Ro with the game of BIG words, he can't stop! We tried locking him in the cellar but he CHEWED through the door! That's how dedicated he is to winning the game!"

"Wow, chewed through a door. That is a bit serious, isn't it."

"A BIT serious? Who are you kidding, sister!"

"Have Erestor and Glorfindel been informed?"

"Yeah, but he even drove them crazy! Glorfindel tried to hide in the manure pile in the stable! Erestor was locked in his office the WHOLE day yesterday!"

"What about Father? Does he know?"

"No, he's visiting Thranduil in Mirkwood. We shouldn't tell him either, he'll just flip out."

"Well, what should we do?"

"Erestor said to meet him in his office tonight. He has a plan. Hopefully, we'll put a stop to this before someone goes brain dead."

Hmmmm…. What to do?

R&R pls!


	3. Fool Proof Fool

Here it goes…

Disclaimer: Don't own. You get where this is going…

As planned, everyone met in Erestor's office that night. Some came in black cloaks, others disguised as trees or bushes. Lucky for them, IT was sleeping. For now…

Erestor spoke first.

"We have a dilemma-"

Dan interrupted.

"I'll say we have a dilemna! It's one of the biggest problems we've had in years!"

"Peace, Master Elladan. We will find a way to solve it. Just like the Lembas problem."

Everyone visibly shuddered remembering THAT ordeal. The cook had made too much Lembas and everyone had gotten sick of it pretty fast. Most of it had gone bad, causing mass stomach problems with those who consumed the last few bits. The Lembas had grown with the mold and decay. It became a Mardi Gras for bugs, mice, and anything else that likes that mushy, fungi goodness. The Lembas had taken up most of the compost pile. It got bigger everyday and finally Elflings claimed they saw it MOVE. After that it had taken 4 dwarves, 26 Elves, and 12 very grumpy men to move the whole mess. It was a rather embarrassing thing, I mean come on! Whoever heard of Elves making TOO MUCH Lembas?

"But how?" asked Arwen. "When Ro gets hooked on something, he doesn't let it go very easily." She thought of his Hippie\ Gandhi phase. He had sat in the gardens reading nothing but books on Peace, History, and Ducks. He didn't eat for 10 days and after the phase ended he almost ate them out of house and home.

"That was different. He didn't chase people down with words like 'Merovingian' and stuff!" Dan protested.

"What do you say, Glorfindel?"

"No- no m- more words. No- no mo- more ….. WORDS!"

Erestor stepped in.

"Uhhh, you have to excuse Master Glorfindel. He's… not feeling quite like himself today. But not to worry! I have an ide-"

Dan interrupted. Again.

"This is just FANtastic! If Glorfindel is having Mental Dental, then how are the rest of us supposed to stay sane?"

"Well, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, I was saying that I had an idea. Ro has taken a liking to BIG words. All we have to do is out-word him!"

"But how?" Arwen asked.

"I have an unabridged dictionary." Erector said smugly.

Oooh's and Ahhh's chorused in the small room. Dan was the only one to protest.

"That will never work! We need something… BIGGER." He paced the room. After a few minutes he snapped his fingers.

"I got it! All we have to do is out-word Ro! With an unabridged dictionary! It's fool proof, I tell you! Fool proof!"

Erestor snorted.

"It has to be foolproof if a fool created it."

That's all for now! Oh, and a special thanks to RoonilWazlib42 who reviewed Kakapo! with a suggestion word: Merovingian. Thanx Roonil!


	4. A Conspiracy

Please don't hurt me! I know, I know. I've been away for a really long time! AND I'M SORRY, OKAY! Now, ahem, ON WITH THY SHOW!

Elrohir was seated outside of the door where everyone was holding their "secret meeting." He felt left out, so decided to speed things up.

"I know you guys are in there! You can't hide forever! I have another one! Memorandum! MEMORANDUM!"

No answer was forth coming.

"PNEUMONOULTRAMICROPICSILICOVOLCANO!" Wow, he had forgotten where he'd gotten that one, but it worked…

Glorfindel started to twitch underneath the desk. Everyone sat in silence in the small office, hoping he would forget about them. And then, Elrohir decided to pull out the big guns…

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the chair he was sitting on aside, and shouted at the top of his lungs.

"ACETYLSERYLTYROSYLSERYLISOLEUCYLTHREONYLSERYLPROL-YLSERY etc…

He went on, and on, and on. It was like listening to Ashlee Simpson album. It kept going, and going, and going…

He didn't even pause to breathe! How was that possible?

After what seemed like hours, he finished. There as still no noise coming from the door, so he left.

Elladan appeared from underneath a desk.

"That was horrible. I think it's time to put the plan in action… Erestor? Erestor?"

Erestor was too terrified to move. He finally spoke.

"Hand me a pen and a piece of paper, please."

"Why?"

"Just, don't question me, Elladan."

The paper and pen was handed over. Minutes later, Erestor showed everyone the paper.

_Dearest Thranduil of Mirkwood,_

_You are curteously invited to attend a party for the Lords of Imladris. The pary shall be held in five days time, and we request that you bring your son Legolas along._

_Sincerely,_

_Lord Elrond of Rivendell_

Elladan was confused.

"But, there's not going to be a party in five days time…"

Erestor smiled.

"Exactly."

Dan smiled at his Adivsor, thinking he had gone off the deep end…

I apologize for the change in script. I was using fancy writing, then discovered the Arial and the one I was using beforehand was different! Darn tecnology…

Anyway, thanks to Phantom'sJedieBandiGirl for the first 2 words, and Orchid'sRain for tha really long one! Sorry I couldn't put all of it OR, but it was sooooo long! lol, thanx!

'till next time, you young scoundrels!


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